Today was not a good day. Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t quite to the Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day catastrophic proportions, but I just wasn’t happy. There wasn’t one thing in particular that spoiled it, or someone who crossed me, but it definitely left something to be desired. And I believe that’s precisely what made today not so good. I’ve become so focused on my wants that I’ve forgotten how to get.
There’s a commercial out right now for some financial institution where a green arrow appears at your feet guiding you in the right direction to reach your goals. Unfortunately, in the reality I dwell in, no such arrow exists. Each path has it’s own advantages and consequences and each dream is undeniably surrounded by questions and doubts. That’s not to say dreams aren’t worth dreaming because they most certainly are, but every once in a while there comes a day when you question if the path you’re currently on has any chance of getting you where you want to be, or if you maybe took a wrong turn at Albuquerque a la Bugs Bunny. As positively as you try to think and as optimistic as you strive to be, some days hope just simply hides, and it takes everything in you to seek it out again.
I know the destination is ultimately not as important as the journey, or however that fortune cookie goes, but the destination I see is so incredible that some days the journey utterly fails in comparison. Doubt creeps in and you think, is this as far as I’ve come? You hit the point I did today when the tears start to creep in but you’re also just so pissed off at the world that you’re too angry to cry. And that’s when my pity party stops. I take a final brief moment to feel sorry for myself and then I remember that in so many ways I’m more fortunate than most. No matter how horrible my day was, I know that in a couple of hours my husband is going to walk through the front door and erase it all. He may make me laugh or he might hold my while I cry, but either way he’ll be here, which is all that matters at the end of the day. We’ll enjoy our evening and I’ll go to sleep content, knowing that with a new day brings new hope. And with any luck, along with that hope will come some sunshine after all this rain.
